Olde English Medium Dry Cider

Posted on February 5, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Did I ever mention that I hate cider? Because I really fucking hate cider. As cheap as it is, I can never bring myself to drink it. It smells unsafe and tastes like apple juice where something has gone horribly long. Luckily I found an out-of-date can of Olde English cider in SuperValu’s booze bin which is sure to rekindle those delightful feelings of dry heaving and disgust.

Looks like piss, tastes like garbage.

Looks like piss, tastes like garbage.

Olde English usually costs £1.29 per can, but it was reduced in the booze bin to only 65p. It expired in September 2012 but I can’t see it making any difference. The can is 500ml and the cider is 4.5%.  £1.29 seems quite expensive so I’m assuming Olde English is more of a premium cider, as least compared to the likes of White Lightning or Scrumpy Jack’s.

As I avoid cider at all costs, I don’t know anything about it. Olde English is a “Medium dry cider” which means nothing to me, unless it works similar to wine. The can also states that the cider is “MADE WITH ENGLISH APPLES” which I am assuming is just a marketing technique rather than non-English apples tasting different. It claims to be the gold standard in English cider, so I’m really excited about drinking this fecal, apple based swill.

Olde English pours a yellow/urine coloured drink. It looks like lager but is more intense. It isn’t as carbonated as lager either, so it looks quite unsettling. There is pretty much no head, although I don’t know if cider is meant to have a head. This cider doesn’t smell as bad as other ciders. It smells like some kind of fizzy apple drink, and while it isn’t pleasant, it isn’t a smell which makes me gag in disgust. Olde English does however, taste really bad. It has a flat, sharp taste and seems like it hasn’t finished turning into a proper drink. As a cider it amongst be better tasting drinks, but as a drink it isn’t something I would ever want to swallow again. You could achieve a similar taste by placing a diarrhoea tablet in some apple juice and sucking on an old copper coin while drinking it. The smell of cider soon began filling the room and I knew my small sips weren’t going to dispose of the drink fast enough. I then tried switching to large gulps but this made breathing difficult as each exhale would reinforce the rancid apple taste. Luckily I was able to keep fighting the good fight, and before long the evil liquid was defeated, never to return.

Olde English is one of the better ciders, but I still hate cider and this is no exception. The horrible apple taste makes it neither fun or easy to drink, and even at 65p a can it isn’t something I would want to drink again. Now it’s time to drink something tasty to wash away this horrible taste.

Booze Review rating: 2/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Cider | 1 Comment

Vodka Rachmaninoff

Posted on February 4, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Today we make a long overdue journey back to Lidl to sample their fine Vodka Rachmaninoff.

Vodka Rachmaninoff comes in two varities: 37.5% for £9.99 and 40% for £10.99. I decided to spend the extra £1 and reclaim the missing 2.5% which is rightfully mine. Maybe some time I will compare them both and see if there’s any noticeable difference.

Up next: Tchaikovsky's Peppermint Schnapps

Up next: Tchaikovsky’s Peppermint Schnapps

Vodka Rachmaninoff is presumably named after the Russian composer, which is kind of weird since is it made in Germany. I’m sure Mr Rachmaninoff would be very pleased to know his name lives on through cheap supermarket brand vodka and underage drinking parties. I was hoping the bottle would have more of Lidl’s silly cocktail recipes, but unfortunately the label is quite bare, meaning I don’t get to make shitty jokes about it. I remember the label having a different design at one point, but I don’t think it was very funny either.

Vodka Rachmaninoff is a clear, colourless liquid, which is great. In fact it’s my ideal appearance of vodka. The smell however, is not. This vodka resembles a mix of permanent marker, shoe polish and petrol fumes. It isn’t even the usual ethanol smell of cheap vodka, it smells like it was made in a bathtub somewhere. The taste is really weird. It’s quite a sugary drink, and while I wouldn’t call it “smooth”, it doesn’t have the harsh burn I was expecting. The smell isn’t anything like the taste, which is really confusing. Drinking more Rachmaninoff makes it taste better, but as the taste refines, the burn starts to develop. Soon the vodka begins to taste more normal, however it it still much more sweet than any vodka I have ever tasted. Rachmaninoff definitely isn’t a vodka you want to sip at, but luckily it mixes quite well and in a Screwdriver it tastes like any other cheap vodka.

Rachmaninoff is quite a unique vodka, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. Fortunately it is pretty cheap and I doubt you’re going to find a 40% strength vodka any cheaper. You can easily mix Vodka Rachmaninoff with your mixer of choice and focus on getting drunk without having to worry about the really weird taste, or you can probably huff it and get high off the fumes.

Booze Review rating: 7/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Lidl, Vodka | 16 Comments

Stowells Colombard Chardonnay

Posted on February 2, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

I was looking for booze in SuperValu when I noticed they had their weird metal cage of reduced price offerings. For those who don’t know, this wonderful little basket only appears at random times and contains heavily discounted alcohol (usually beer) due to reasons such as the can being completely smashed or being past the expiration date. Previous excavations from this treasure chest of dreams have included rusted cans of Carling for 50p each and unlabeled Heineken for 30p a bottle. Really the only downside of the booze bin is trying to carry armfulls of loose cans and bottles without destroying them even more than they already are.

Boxed wine for box-shaped people

Boxed wine for box-shaped people

However, the most recent haul has been much better than the usual dented cans of shit lager, as the booze bin contained many boxes of wine reduced to under half price. The reason for this is that the expiration date is October 2012, but it’s not like the wine is going to contain any less alcohol.

Today’s wine of choice is Stowells Colombard Chardonnay, a 12.5% wine in a 3 litre box usually costing £20.39 but reduced to £10. This works out at £2.50 a bottle which is pretty good considering a bottle of supermarket brand piss will set you back around £3.50.  I’ve drank some kind of Stowells before and while it wasn’t great, I’m not going to turn down a 3 litre box of wine for £10, even if it is unsafe for consumption. I stocked up on these boxes and so after a week of drinking this wine, I’m quite familiar with it.

Boxes of Stowells are noticeably smaller than other brands containing the same amount. I’m not sure why this is, but it makes it easier to carry so it’s definitely a good thing. I somehow managed to cut myself on the box, but I’m not going to deduct points for it, as cutting yourself with wine is quite an achievement to accomplish (is that a phrase?). The box claims to stay fresh for 6 weeks after opening, which would be great it if was like a delicious whiskey which you can sip at and enjoy over a long period of time, but I don’t think I’ve ever opened a bottle of wine that hasn’t been finished the same day, or early the next day. I guess it’s good for people who enjoy savouring their cheap boxed wine, although I imagine that kind of person would stretch their box to well over 6 weeks.

I attempted to read the back of the box but soon gave up. Within one paragraph the text size changes at least fifteen times, all while changing font, turning bold, italic and being littered with pictures of trees, shields and pirate ships. The side of the box gives the serving suggestion “Try it with meaty fish like monkfish or with a fish pie, it is also perfect enjoyed as a glass on its own”, which translates to “Eat it with fish fingers or drink it out of the fucking bag”.

Stowells is a standard white wine coloured wine, so there isn’t anything to discuss there. Pouring it from the stupid nozzle thing is quite frustrating as it takes a really long time to fill a glass if you are only using the nozzle. It pours faster if you open the box and push down on the bag while holding the nozzle open, although I’m sure most people aren’t in such a hurry to get their wine. The wine claims to be a 2 on the dry/sweet scale (1 = dry, 9 = sweet) but it smells quite sweet. Not like a dessert wine, but it smells like it would be a 5. It smells fruity with some honey and a little apple. It slightly resembles mead, although this is very, very feint. Stowells tastes pretty good. I’m pretty sure the last bottle of Stowells I drank was a different kind, as this is much better. The wine is quite dry but also has a fruity aftertaste and it does seem like it would pair well with their die-hard suggestion of fish. There is a slightly sour aftertaste, which is possibly because it expired 3 months ago, but I quite like it. The box says it tastes like peach but I’m mostly tasting apple with a hint of fruit salad. Either way this is quite a nice wine.

Stowells turned out to be surprisingly tasty. I didn’t expect much from an out-of-date, boxed wine, but it’s very enjoyable. The worst case scenario is that the wine has expired and tastes worse that it should, but even then it’s a good wine. Combining this with it costing only £10 means Stowells is a truly fantastic wine. If I had paid full price then it would be an average wine, but costing less than any other wine I’ve seen, Stowells is at the top of its game. £10 for 4 bottles of wine. Fuck me.

Booze Review rating: 10/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Wine | 2 Comments

Cactus Jack’s Kool Kola Schnapps

Posted on January 23, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

These reviews are making it look like I drink a lot of Cactus Jack’s, when in reality I don’t really like it at all and I don’t think I’ve even bought it before Booze Review started. Well today we have another of Cactus Jack’s fine beverages: Kool Kola Schnapps.

It's like wine for babies!

It’s like wine for babies!

Cactus Jack’s Kool Kola Schnapps is a 15% drink in a 750ml bottle. I was given this by a friend who said “Do you want this? I can’t drink it because it makes me vomit.” so I’m really looking forward to drinking it. I would guess this bottle would normally cost around £7 but as it cost me nothing this review is already skewed slightly in its favour (as long as it doesn’t cause me to vomit uncontrollably).

The bottle design isn’t much different than the blackcurrant schnapps previously reviewed, other than some minor differences due to the larger bottle size. I have no idea why the decided to spell the name “Kool Kola” as no self respecting adult is going to think “Oh wow! Kool Kola! I’ll be the most popular guy in the office!” before rushing out to buy armfuls of the drink. On the other hand, the bright colours and funky name will appeal greatly to 6 year old girls, who I suspect this drink is mainly marketed towards. The back label uses the words “Refreshing drink sensation” so let’s hope this is something you’ll reach for after a hard day of laborious work during the long summer months.

Cactus Jack’s pours an intense, almost luminous, cherry red colour. It looks like cranberry juice if the cranberries were radioactive and full of hate. The smell is a very sweet artificial cola flavour which seems like it will get sickening quite fast. The drink tastes pretty much exactly like cola cubes with a hint of Calpol. At first this seems like a good thing as it is really easy to drink, but after a few sips it becomes overpoweringly sweet and sugary. With each mouthful you realise how thick this drink is, and as someone who prefers not to chew their alcohol, this is certainly not a favourable quality. I’m not sure if you’re meant to sip this drink or take shots, but sipping through a glass of this stuff becomes extremely unpleasant, not because of a bad taste, but because of how sweet it is. Sipping this drink does not seem like the way to go, however, at only 15%, pounding shots of it would be like drinking shots of wine meaning you’ll need to drink the entire bottle (21 shots) to get a buzz going. If I had vodka I would try mixing it to dilute some of the sweetness but Cactus Jack’s really isn’t something you’ll want to mix with non-alcoholic mixer.

Overall Cactus Jack’s Kool Kola Schnapps doesn’t taste terrible but it is far too sickening to drink all night. Unfortunately it isn’t strong enough to get you drunk unless you’re drinking large quantities of it. Kool Kola tastes slightly better than the blackcurrant flavour and only scores higher because I didn’t have to pay anything for it. Thankfully Cactus Jack’s isn’t vomit inducing, but after a glass you’ll feel like you’ve eaten several boxes of donuts and just want to lie down.

Booze Review rating: 3/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Schnapps | 5 Comments

Wild Irish Rose

Posted on January 22, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Today’s review comes in the form of another guest review, once again by our good friend Jelf Boho. Mr Boho has taken the time out of his busy schedule to write about something we don’t see here very often: a 1 gallon jug of bum wine. Jelf later informed us that he has no memory of writing the following review.

Wild Irish Rose

Wld Irish Rose, for those nights when 4.5 litres of regular strength wine isn't enough.

Wld Irish Rose, for those nights when 4.5 litres of regular strength wine isn’t enough.

I was worried because the place i used to get wild irish rose from stopped carrying it. That isn’t to say that this is something i drink frequently, but i do enjoy it on occasion. When I do get it, it’ appears in a 0.75L bottle, but to my dismay, the usual store no longer carried it. I was forced to explore the larger booze shop nearby. Just as I was ready to despair, i spotted the bottom shelf a gallon of Wild Irish Rose! It was priced below any reasonable level, as if the company itself intended any customer would murder themselves by the very cheapness alone.

Clocking in at 17% abv and $3.99/gallon, this is truly king of kings for cheap drinking. The label proclaims “100% grape wine with citrus spirits”. I can believe that. It tastes exactly like grape juice+orange vodka. This drink is so refreshing and reasonably priced, I would call it wino juice with no ill intent. This drink tastes like it was made by winos, for winos. I used to drink it when I was doing part time summer work and living with my father. I found it to go perfectly with my special recipe of kraft macaroni and cheese, which included frozen peas,  a can of tuna, chopped pickles and hot sauce.. Possibly the greatest cheap summer meal of all time.

The scent of this drink is like if you added hard alcohol to juice. You can smell the sweetness but also the undying harshness. That subtracts a point from the overall rating. A second point is subtracted because this drink is actually TOO sweet. It is difficult to chug sweet juice, and it is difficult to chug Wild Irish Rose. The final result is that this is still excellent though.

Jelf Boho’s rating: 8/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

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Nobelaner Premium Lager

Posted on January 21, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Nobelaner Premium Lager is Lidl’s take on the tiny crappy beers that most supermarkets sell. This beer is only available in packs of 10 250ml bottles at 4.8% for £3.99. This makes it a lot more expensive than the likes of Tesco’s Biere Speciale or Sainsbury’s Biere Des Moulins, so let’s hope extra money = extra tasty.

Elegance comes in packs of 10

Elegance comes in packs of 10

Surprisingly there is no information whatsoever printed on these dinky little bottles or on the outside packaging. I could guess that it is French but I have no reason to believe that other than lots of other cheap tiny beers being French. Being from Lidl it would make sense that it is German but there isn’t anything to go by. Nobelaner has those stupid twist caps that beer companies seem to be using now, but I used a bottle opener because the caps look a little rusted and I usually cut my hand open on them. I’m not sure why these beers always come in tiny bottles either. Wouldn’t it be cheaper to make a single large bottle than two small bottles? Maybe they’re for keeping in your drawer so you can quickly gulp one down when nobody is looking. If you have big hands you could probably completely hide the bottle and nobody would expect a thing.

As soon as I opened the first bottle I was greeted by the smell of old, flat beer mixed with fresh grass cuttings and stale urine. This was quite upsetting as I hadn’t even tried to smell it yet. After experiencing the smell I was quite pleased to discover that the bottle pours a very beer-coloured liquid. I was expecting something more like a cloudy lemonade but this is definitely something you would look at and recognize as beer. Nobelaner has quite a sophisticated aroma. Amongst the urine drenched carpet smell, there are also noticeable hints of chlorine and engine grease. The taste is quite unpleasant and remains in your mouth for quite some time.  If you want to recreate the taste at home, open a can of cheap lager and leave it outside in the rain overnight. Nobelaner is a horrible drink that gets worse as you drink it. I could understand why it tastes like this if it was sold in plastic bottles, but the glass bottle means it is just a really not nice beer.

Nobelaner is a pretty awful lager. If you want cheap beer in tiny bottles then you should go to a different supermarket because Lidl’s offering is really quite terrible. Even if it was cheaper it wouldn’t be worth it (unless it was less than half the price). Thankfully Nobelaner is 4.8% rather than the shittier 3% beers you usually find at this price.

Booze Review rating: 2/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Lager, Lidl | 5 Comments

Kulov Imperial Vodka

Posted on January 18, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Today we’re joined by Kulov Imperial Vodka.

Kulov Imperial Vodka is a 37.5% vodka available in a 200ml bottle for £4.19. You can buy Kulov in a normal sized bottle but I was being cheap when I bought it. I usually avoid Kulov as it’s more expensive than a cheap vodka such as Glen’s or Nordoff and isn’t as tasty as a more expensive vodka, but today it was the cheapest vodka in the shop, so I’m not going to complain.

Kulov vodka for cool people!

Kulov vodka for cool people!

Kulov is made in Scotland, but the website says it’s only available in Ireland, so I’m not sure what’s going on there. I’m hoping it’s not so shit that even the Scots don’t want to drink it, but we’ll find out soon enough. The label says “Enjoyed straight, shaken or stirred” but I like to think it means “Enjoy straight: shaken or stirred”, giving you the option of shaking the bottle or stirring it with a pencil before drinking. I would choose the pencil to infuse it with the wooden taste of a fine whiskey, but maybe that’s just me being snobby.

Kulov smells like intense burning with a slight hint of lemon. It doesn’t smell much different than a regular cheap vodka, maybe slightly better, but there’s definitely a small touch of something different here. Kulov also has quite a neutral taste. It isn’t something I would describe as pleasant but it certainly isn’t completely unenjoyable. I remember this vodka being quite bad but it really is quite drinkable. Kulov doesn’t have as strong a chemical flavour as most other cheap vodkas although it does sometimes taste slightly like tequila. Don’t get me wrong, the methylated spirit taste is still there but it is toned down much more than Glen’s or any supermarket brand vodka.

Kulov Imperial Vodka turns out to be a pretty swallowable vodka for the price. It’s slightly more expensive than other vodkas but if you want something that tastes slightly better then it might be worth the extra money. In a screwdriver you can barely taste Kulov which gives you the benefit of pouring extra strong drinks without realising it.

Booze Review rating: 8/10
★★★★★★★★★★

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Drinks That Aren’t Drinks: Shite Russian

Posted on January 5, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Welcome to Booze Review’s first episode of Drinks That Aren’t Drinks, where we make new and exciting cocktails out of things in the cupboard. Today’s drink is one I dub “The Shite Russian”, a bastard child of the White Russian.

White Russians are an extremely tasty drink consisting of vodka, coffee liqueur and cream which combine to create a boozy drink that tastes like a Kinder Surprise. Unfortunately as I was lacking both coffee liqueur and cream I had to substitute these for Irish cream and milk.

Things were going quite well up to this point. I had a glass sitting on the table and I had just placed a fresh ice cube inside it to ensure the drink was refreshingly chilled. I opened the cupboard to get vodka and at this point I realised I don’t actually have any vodka. This was extremely worrying as I had already come this far and couldn’t just abandon my drink in its time of need. Suddenly I saw a shining beacon in the corner of my eye. It was none other than our good old friend Glen’s White Rum! The bottle was almost empty but there was enough for almost two drinks and enough to save our Shite Russian.

You’re probably thinking “But now you’re not using any of the original ingredients! How is this still a white Russian?”. While I can appreciate your concern, I would like to point out two things; 1 – I am using WHITE rum. It’s in the name. If anything this makes it even more of a white Russian than using vodka. 2 – This is a Shite Russian, it was never going to be a white Russian.

A white russian with no ingredients of a white russian.

A white russian with no ingredients of a white russian.

And now the recipe.

Ingredients:
Glen’s White Rum
O’Gradys Classic Country Cream
Milk (I’m using semi-skimmed but feel free to use what you have)
Ice (Optional but highly recommended)

1. Place ice in glass
2. Fill just over 1/3 of the glass with rum
3. Add Irish cream until the glass is just under 3/4 full
4. Top up with milk
5. Stir well. I used a screwdriver but a spoon or stirring rod will work just as well.

And there you have it. You’ve successfully built your first Shite Russian. I suggest putting on some smooth jazz and relaxing while you enjoy your beautiful creation. After couple of these you should be feeling pretty buzzed so make sure you really crank up the volume!

The Shite Russian looks pretty much the same as a white Russian. It’s slightly paler due to the lack of coffee liqueur but there really isn’t a noticeable difference. As for the smell, the Shite Russian is pretty similar to Irish cream. Perhaps slightly milkier, but there’s not much smell of alcohol in this drink. Despite the minimal effort put into the drink, it’s actually quite delicious. It kind of tastes like one of those iced drinks from Starbucks but less shitty. I’d be interested in pouring booze into one of them and seeing if it tastes similar.

Surprisingly the Shite Russian turned out quite well. It’s a much duller drink than a white Russian and slightly sweeter due to the rum, but it’s a pretty good drink. Although this was scraped together due to lack of booze, I’d still make another one even if I had booze for other drinks.

Booze Review rating: 9/10
★★★★★★★★★★
But wait, it’s not over yet. Remember when I said there was enough rum for almost 2 drinks? Well now it’s time to use that rum.

You may remember from the Asda Lager challenge that I have plenty of Blue Curacao which I really don’t want anymore. A shite Russian with blue curacao can’t be that bad. Right?

Tastes as fun as it looks!

Tastes as fun as it looks!

For anybody joining in at home, the recipe is exactly the same as before except this time you’ll use half as much white rum and replace it with blue curacao. If you’ve done everything correctly you should end up with something that looks like a glass of marbled smurf jizz, which I am naming “The Blue-Balled Russian”. A quick stir later and you should end up with a glass of paint. Yum!

The Blue-Balled Russian smells even more neutral than the Shite Russian which was worrying after knowing the ingredients I had put into it. Somehow, despite there being 3 different kinds of booze in this drink, there is no smell of alcohol whatsoever. At first the drink doesn’t have much of a taste but then the blue curacao mixes with the milk in your mouth and creates a disgustingly boring taste, like chewing on the stick after you finish your ice cream. It’s not a completely terrible drink but I don’t see any reason why anybody would ever feel the need to create such a massively uninteresting drink. There are no complex flavours or aftertastes here, just pure boring. If you enjoy licking envelopes then by all means pour yourself a double, but anybody else can achieve the same taste by eating the contents of their vacuum cleaner.

Booze Review rating: 4/10
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Drinks That Aren't Drinks | 1 Comment

Cactus Jack’s Blackcurrant Schnapps

Posted on January 3, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Oh lawdy, I gots me some purple drank!

Today’s review is a bottle of Cactus Jack’s Blackcurrant Schnapps. This drink is 15% in a 200ml bottle costing £2.89. You can get it in a 500ml bottle, usually with 50% extra free, but this is booze for women and children so I really didn’t want to spend much money or commit to drinking a whole bottle of it.

Surprisingly, it doesn't taste like methylated spirit

Surprisingly, it doesn’t taste like methylated spirit

Cactus Jack’s is a heavily flavoured, colourful booze whose target demographic seems to be women/pussies who don’t enjoy the taste of a heavily poured whiskey. At 15% it is slightly stronger than wine and twice the price meaning it is nowhere near cost effective. You can often pick up bigger bottles of Cactus Jack’s at a reduced price which can sometimes make it more worthwhile, but generally it’s overpriced. The label says to “Enjoy straight from the fridge or over ice” which could have been simplified as “Serve cold”, so I’m going to take them up on their suggestion and drink it straight from the fridge.

Cactus Jack’s is a very unhealthy looking deep purple drink, similar in colour to washing up liquid or cough syrup and kind of reminds me of Flaming Moe’s from The Simpsons. It smells like Ribena mixed with Calpol with no detectable boozy scent. The taste is pretty much the same as the smell with the added extra of tasting like a throat lozenge. I can see why this would appeal to non-drinkers, but there is no taste of alcohol from it which makes it a complete waste of time to anybody who drinks booze because it is boozy. It doesn’t even taste like good blackcurrant juice, it tastes like you’re drinking the concentrate. By the end of the tiny bottle, Cactus Jack’s is just annoying to drink, so I’m quite happy I only bought a tiny bottle.

Cactus Jack’s is overpriced and underalcoholed. It could work as a hungover drink that you can sip at without paying much attention but it gets sickening and you could make a much more effective drink with vodka and fruit juice.

Booze Review rating: 2/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Schnapps | 1 Comment

Glen’s White Rum

Posted on January 2, 2013 by Randy Hamblast

Prepare for another rum fuelled adventure with Glen’s White Rum.

Today’s booze of choice is Glen’s White Rum, a 37.5% spirit costing £11.59. Glen’s have been on Booze Review before with their well known bottom shelf vodka, but this is the first I’ve seen Glen’s White Rum. I also spotted a bottle of Glen’s Gin which will probably pop up in a future review. I can only assume that all these drinks are just slightly modified versions of the vodka; the rum being vodka with extra sugar and the gin being boiled in nettles before bottling. However, it would be unfair to judge a booze without drinking the whole bottle first and so I hope to present you with a 100% unbiased review of this lovely white rum.

Also works as an engine degreaser

Also works as an engine degreaser

Glen’s really doesn’t give away many details about their rum on the label. The hastily made, low budget label offers no insight as to what this rum may taste like or how it should be served.  The only information the label gives at all is “PRODUCE OF THE WEST INDIES” in italic capital letters. At the top of the label there are three badly drawn gold coins. The left and right coins appear to feature oil rigs or tee-pees, while the centre coin has some kind of Tom Cruise/Jesus/Edward Scissorhands looking character. The bottom of the label has a logo with appears to be the letters “JG”, and as there is no obvious meaning of this, I can only assume it means “Jolly Good!”. The back label contains 3 different recycling symbols and not much else.

Glen’s smells pretty rough. I assume this is what you would get if you were to mix a cheap vanilla ice-cream and a can of WD40. At first it seemed quite nice but then almost immediately the nasty chemical fumes overpowered everything. I was hoping to write more about the unique aroma of this rum but after 10 seconds my ears started hurting and I felt it was no longer safe to continue on with the smell test and so moved on to the tasting. Although Glen’s smells like paint stripper, it doesn’t taste anywhere near as bad. It has quite a dull sweet vanilla flavour but there is no obvious taste of any chemicals which would do you long term harm. After a few sips Glen’s starts to taste quite watery and the previous vanilla flavour is longer detectable. If you’re drinking for taste then this would be quite a bad thing but otherwise it allows for some high speed drinking with the only downside being the possibility of drinking it too fast. One word of advice though: don’t get any of this stuff on your lips because it really burns.

Serving as both an alcoholic beverage and an all-purpose solvent, Glen’s White Rum is something no workshop should be without. Glen’s is cheap and has a taste which is ignorable if your sole purpose for buying it is to get drunk. As a bottom shelf spirit, Glen’s is much more enjoyable than I expected.

Booze Review rating: 7/10 deliciouses
★★★★★★★★★★

Posted in Rum | 2 Comments